Why You’re Probably Arguing About Nothing

We spend our lives in a state of constant reaction. We debate, we judge, and we take stands on complex issues like “holiness,” “justice,” or “goodness” without ever stopping to realize that we don’t actually know what we’re talking about. We assume our internal dictionary matches the rest of the world’s, but more often than not, we are simply shouting into a vacuum.

Consider the visitor to the Holy Land who traveled from the North to the South—Masada, Tiberias, the works—and concluded there was nothing “holy” about the place. When asked, “How many baffuf sticks did you see?” he grew frustrated.

“Baffuf sticks? What’s that?” he asked.

The response was pointed: “Did I ask you what a buffalo stick is? I didn’t ask you what a baffuf stick. I asked you how many did you see?”

The visitor’s confusion is the perfect mirror for our own intellectual laziness. How can you claim a place lacks holiness if you haven’t defined what holiness looks like? If you don’t have a mental “folder” for a concept, you could be staring right at it and never see it. Without a definition, you aren’t observing reality; you are just reacting to your own lack of awareness. True listening— Shmiat —demands that we establish precise definitions before we allow ourselves the luxury of a reaction.

Listening with Your Ears is an Active Choice The concept of Shmiat —listening with the ears—is far more than a physiological process. It is a defense mechanism against our own biases. Usually, when someone speaks, we are already preparing our rebuttal or deciding if we agree. We jump to the end of the line before we’ve even stepped onto the path.

In the Jewish tradition, the command to “Hear” ( Shema ) isn’t just about sound waves; it is a rigorous, six-step progression designed to prevent us from jumping to conclusions:

“Whenever you hear in Torah a word like ‘Shema’ (Hear, O Israel), it means complete focus, pay attention, listen, understand, assimilate it, and put it into action.”

“Listening with your ears” means isolating the raw data. Before you declaim, before you argue, and before you decide whether to accept or reject a piece of wisdom, you must strip away the verbiage and focus on the message. You must know what is being said before you can know what you think about it.

The Power of the One-Word Tool: “What?”

There is a single, one-word tool that will make you intellectually and emotionally “rich” for the rest of your life if you have the discipline to use it: “What?”

This isn’t just a question; it’s an x-ray for reality. Most of our conflicts and misunderstandings are “befogged” by vague language. When you ask “What?”, you clear the fog. You must learn to ask this question on the whole and its parts. Before you waste ten years arguing about the existence of God, you need to use the tool:

• What is knowledge? (Is it something I’ve proven, or just something I’ve accepted?)
• What is belief?
• What do we mean by the word “God”?

Asking “What?” forces clarity. It moves you from a state of emotional reaction to intellectual precision. If you cannot define the term, you don’t have a seat at the table of that discussion.

The “Are You” Game and the Trap of Self-Painting

Without objective definitions, we are all guilty of playing the “Are You” game—a psychological trick where we paint ourselves “white,” the person across from us “gray,” and the absent “black.”

We label the absent person “black” specifically because they aren’t there to defend themselves, allowing our egos to feel superior. Definitions are the only escape from this subjective trap. Consider how we twist the same behavior to suit our narrative:

Label for “I” (White)

Label for “You” (Gray)

Label for “He/Them” (Black)

Courageous : Taking a necessary risk for a worthwhile purpose.

Foolhardy : Taking an unnecessary risk for a worthwhile purpose.

Reckless Idiot : Taking an unnecessary risk for no purpose.

Strong-willed : Sticking to the evidence and refusing to be bullied.

Stubborn : Closing the discussion despite knowing the other side.

Pigheaded : Refusing to give reasons; simply saying “I said so.”

Educator : Sharing wisdom and truth to help another grow.

Persuader : Trying to influence someone’s opinion for your own ends.

Brainwasher : Manipulating or forcing a perspective through pressure.

Clarity of definition makes it harder to twist the truth. A “strong-willed” person is willing to look at any evidence, provided they aren’t being bullied; a “pigheaded” person refuses to give reasons at all. When you commit to a definition, your ego loses its ability to move the goalposts.

Why “What You Feel” Isn’t the Same as “What You Want”

Perhaps the most transformative application of clarity is in the realm of Free Will. Most people live as slaves to their biology because they confuse “feelings” with “wants.”

Free Will is the gap between your feelings (biology/pain avoidance) and your wants (soul/values). Take the act of apologizing. You want to apologize because it’s right and it will fix the relationship. But you don’t feel like doing it because it’s embarrassing and unpleasant.

We rarely choose evil for its own sake; we choose it because we feel like avoiding the pain of the right choice. Mediocrity isn’t a lack of potential; it is a consistent surrender to feelings. You can decide to be great right now, this very second. The only thing stopping you is a feeling that the effort is too painful. But you can do what you want, regardless of how you feel.

“Clarity or Death”—The Ultimate Deadline

In the Jewish tradition, the stakes of clarity are absolute: “Clarity or death.” This isn’t hyperbole; it’s a diagnosis of the human condition. To live without awareness, without knowing what you are living for, is to be a “zombie.”

“Confusion is a lack of awareness is death. Either you know what you’re living for or you’re a zombie.”

This applies to the mundane just as much as the spiritual. Think about the last time you spent two hours reading the New York Times . If you finished and couldn’t define what you learned or what the articles actually meant, you were effectively “dead” for those two hours. You weren’t living; you were just consuming.

Clarity is your equilibrium in a storm. In a divorce or a bitter quarrel with your parents, pride can escalate a situation until people are doing “unimaginable” things—obscene threats and broken lives. But if you stop and define the reality—”My pride was hurt” or “They are worried about me but expressing it poorly”—you regain your footing.

Conclusion: The Five-Definition Challenge If you don’t know what you’re talking about, there’s no use talking. If you don’t know what you’ve learned, there’s no use learning. Definitions provide the map for a life lived with intention.

To begin the process of gaining clarity, I challenge you to define these five terms. Do not look them up. Use your own words and your own intuition. This is a “terribly tough, rough effort,” but it is the prerequisite for a conscious life:

• Good
• Tolerance
• Fanatic
• Freedom
• Brainwashing

If you don’t know what you’re living for, are you really living, or just reacting?