Why You Should Stop Enjoying Your Decisions

Most people approach life-altering decisions with the same casual impulse they use to pick a soccer match to watch or a place to eat. There is a seductive, dangerous bliss in this “off the cuff” style of living—a weightlessness that eventually leads to a hard collision with reality.

Consider the modern paradox of the “grabber” decision: Ask a man if he believes in hell, and he may casually shrug, “I don’t care if I go to hell.” But ask that same man if he wants to spend a night in Harlem or a dangerous alleyway, and he will recoil in terror. He treats a temporary physical risk with immense gravity while making a “blissful” decision about an eternal consequence, assuming there is nothing to it. This is the danger of the impulsive life. Ancient wisdom, specifically the concept of Einoh Sameach Bechorra’ah —the 38th of the 48 Ways to Wisdom—teaches us that the wise do not take joy in the act of making a decision. Instead, we must approach choice with caution, responsibility, and a healthy dose of reluctance.

The “Sunday Afternoon Quarterback” Trap There is a specific kind of self-importance that arises when we aren’t the ones “on the line.” This is the phenomenon of the “Sunday Afternoon Quarterback.” We sit in our living rooms and confidently declare how a coach should have called a play, how Eisenhower should have invaded Europe, or how world leaders should navigate the Middle East.

We take a vicarious joy in these decisions because we face none of the consequences. We feel an inflated sense of our own abilities when the stakes belong to someone else.

“The world has missed something by not making me the general in charge—that self-importance that we have, that sense of all abilities that we have when we’re not on the line. That is the vicarious decision-making bliss, joy. Watch out for that.”

The moment you are actually in command, the feeling changes. The gravity of the consequences forces a more thoughtful, less “blissful” approach.

Treat Your Life Like Open Heart Surgery

To understand the proper weight of a decision, imagine a friend asks for your help deciding whether to undergo open-heart surgery. Your immediate reaction would be one of profound reluctance: “Me? What do I know about it?”

Because you do not want to be responsible for a fatal error, you become meticulously responsible. You would study the condition of their heart, learn the risks, and vet the surgeons. You must apply this same gravity to your own life choices. Wasting a week of your life through poor decision-making is a form of “wasted life” comparable to a failed surgery. You must be real: if there is information available on how to be happy and you turn it down, you lose that happiness for the rest of your life.

When facing serious decisions, adopt these specific precautions:

• Get all the facts: Ensure you aren’t operating on half-truths or assumptions.
• Study the issue thoroughly: Don’t settle for surface-level understanding.
• Look for alternatives: Determine if there are other ways to treat the problem or reach the goal.
• Consult competent men: Look for “wise men” who have already reasoned through these issues. It is only under reluctant necessity that you should take on the responsibility of advising others.

The Bleecker Street Test: The Courage to Say “I Don’t Know”

There is a common human drive to avoid admitting ignorance. Whether someone asks for directions to Bleecker Street in Manhattan or the “Third Wall” in Jerusalem, most people would rather give a vague, incorrect guess than admit they are lost.

This drive is a barrier to a meaningful life. Admitting ignorance is an essential quality for living rationally. If you cannot define Free Will, Happiness, Love, or Goodness , you must be honest about that lack of clarity. You have been using your “free will” your whole life—don’t you think it’s time you knew what it was?

The Antidote to Fanaticism

Fanaticism is the enemy of sound decision-making. When you commit yourself to a point of view too absolutely, you stake your reputation on it, making it impossible to back out. To counter this, teach your mouth to say, “I don’t know” or “It seems to me.” These phrases allow you to stay relaxed and open to feedback. If someone corrects you, you can simply say, “Thank you for straightening me out,” rather than defending a mistake to save face.

Be a Judge, Not a Lawyer

Most people act as “lawyers” for their own lives; they make a decision based on impulse and then spend their energy defending it. To live wisely, you must instead act as a “judge.” A judge does not argue for a side; they objectively weigh the evidence.

Imagine you have decided on heart surgery for a friend, but someone walks by and says, “Wait, don’t you see he has diabetes?” A lawyer would try to argue why the surgery is still right to save their ego. A judge says, “Diabetes? I never considered that. Cancel everything; we’re going back to the drawing board.”

You must look for the “fuzziness” in your convictions. We often say “happiness is more important than money,” but we don’t mean it. The proof is that we don’t work at happiness with the same intensity we use to chase a paycheck. If you aren’t succeeding at being happy, you haven’t truly decided to pursue it.

The Clutch and Shift Analogy

Conscious decision-making is a skill that must be practiced. At first, it will feel mechanical and awkward. For the first two weeks, you will be “completely bollixed up” and “tied up in knots” because you are pausing to consider every choice. It is like learning to drive a car with a manual clutch; you’ll race the motor and jump ahead until the coordination becomes second nature.

The Ultimate Decision: What Are You Living For?

The “common denominator of free will” is the decision to figure out what life is actually about. Every human being has the capacity to stop and clarify their ultimate purpose.

The only way to achieve this greatness is to spend 15 minutes every night asking: “What am I living for? What do I want? What is the meaning of my life?” There is an incredible exhilaration in finding truth, but be careful—that exhilaration can sweep you off your feet and lead to illusions. Once you think you’ve found the truth, your next step must be to “check it out” with objective scrutiny.

Conclusion: Clearing the Wavelengths We live in a world lacking leadership because everyone is a leader and no one has studied. When students of life who haven’t done the hard work of reasoning keep broadcasting their opinions, they put out the “light of reason” with counter-information. It is like everyone using a shortwave radio at once; the police channel becomes jammed, and the voice of authority cannot get through.

Knowing what you want is the only way to avoid the tragedy of “blissful ignorance.” Even choosing not to make a decision is, in itself, a decision—and usually a wrong one made out of a desire to avoid responsibility. Be scared. Watch out for your own decision-making process. Get “cold in the bones” about the weight of your choices.

Reflect on your life today: Identify one “big decision” you have been making blissfully. What would the bitter consequences be if you were wrong?